Sunday, July 6, 2014

Adventures of Krisblag: Maelrawn the Disappointing

We emerged once again from our extra-dimensional campsite, ready to unleash seven kinds of hell on whatever else we could find down in these caverns. As we were walking along the hallway, Whitmore and I noticed that part of the wall looked...not quite right. Upon investigation it proved to be an illusion concealing a secret passage. The hidden passage had some sort of strange...slime...that appeared to be growing from the rocks itself, but undeterred we proceeded onward into the chamber. Within it we found a bier which had a giant mound of green slime on top, surrounded by dried out husks of skin. Having gotten quite used to how these things seemed to go Whitmore shouted, “Surrender your treasure now and we probably won't murder you.” There was a reply in a language none of us understood, but Soma was able to utilize his magic to translate and revealed that the room was, in fact, inhabited. Whitmore then asked whom we were addressing and the slime congealed itself into a freaky ocean monstrosity and revealed itself to be Maelrawn the Tentacular.

We were, at first, rather concerned by Maelrawn's sudden appearance. As the pirates seemed to be scared shitless at the very mention of his name, and mighty sea creatures obeyed his commands, we were worried we had come up against a force to be reckoned with. However, Soma was able to discern that Maelrawn did not seem as powerful as he claimed to be. Our suspicions were further strengthened when Maelrawn revealed he was trapped down within this island simply because he had no access to water. He wasn't bound by a magic spell or hemmed in by magic wards, or chained with adamantium or even shifted into a pocket dimension. He's trapped because there's no water. I mean, why were we even afraid of this guy in the first place? We could literally leave him right there at the bottom of the hole and he would continue to not be a threat to anyone. Desperate weakling that he was, he tried convincing us to help him get free, which earned nothing but our contempt and decision to outright murder him.

Sadly, I must say I remember nothing of the battle with Maelrawn, which is really a big disappointment in and of itself, but is only coupled with the fact that the fight was over in ten seconds. As I was standing right in front of Maelrawn and waving around that spear specifically designed to hill him, Maelrawn decided to focus on me and take control of me with a spell, resulting in me just standing there uselessly, not even my martial spirit could save me. But as that happened, Meda fired several arrows straight into Maelrawn, Soma dropped a spell, Whitmore threw a bomb right down Maelrawn's gullet, and Meda fired another cluster of arrows into his face. At which point Maelrawn dropped over, almost but not quite dead, and I took quite great pleasure in finishing him off. Done. That's it. We've literally fought a tree that took more time and effort to kill than this so-called god. Disappointing as hell.

After looting whatever scant valuables Maelrawn had hoarded for indeterminite purposes, we headed back down the passage, investigating the remaining chambers. In one we found five more of the freaky fish guard people, which Soma quickly scorched to death with a fireball, who seemed to be working on finishing that canal project which would have let Maelrawn out to disappoint the entire world. Thankfully we had spared the world such a horror. The final chamber turned out to be an alchemical workshop containing none other than Gerlach, also transformed into a freaky fish person. Gerlach naturally asked who the hell we were and what we wanted, and I decided to begin negotiating from a position of strength by saying, “We're the people who just killed your god.”

In hindsight, after I'd been hit by two lightning bolts, saying that you've just killed someone's god may not be the best position to begin negotiating from. However, in my defense I figured that anyone obeying something as pitiful as Maelrawn had to be much lower down on the food chain than Maelrawn and would surrender unconditionally and immediately following such a statement. This seemed, however, to only irritate Gerlach and provoke him into attacking us. Once again I charged forward and managed to get a good hit in, followed by the usual collection of bombs, spells, and arrows, but Gerlach did something that let him sap my energy somehow and I found myself too weak to properly beat him to death with my sword. It turned out Gerlach was actually stronger than the so-called god he worshiped. But not much stronger because we murdered him to death as well.

An examination of Gerlach's lab turned up a few odds and ends, but perhaps most importantly information on a potion that could reverse the curse of the island, as well as the curse affecting the pirate people. Gathering the remaining loot and valuables we easily escaped from Maelrawn's prison of...a hole in the ground, and emerged once again upon the island. We found the remaining villagers and explained Gerlach and Maelrawn were dead and we would soon be sending help to assist them. They seemed rather unimpressed. We went back down to the beach and utilizing my manta cloak I was able to tow the party and the boat back to Blackcove to meet with the pirates. The pirates seemed rather sad that Gerlach was dead, but relieved that Maelrawn was gone and that there was a way to remove the curse afflicting them. The captain rewarded us with some lovely cash and we were invited to a feast to be held that evening.

At the feast things were a little...odd. The captain seemed far more formal than he needed to be, especially considering we had just saved his village of eight people from being disappointed to death. It seemed that for once there was a reason because the captain later diplomatically asked about our opinions of the Pathfinder Guild. After we enthusiastically expressed our hatred for those bastards and their role in sending us down into No Fun, the captain seemed much more relieved and explained that he was no friend to the Pathfinders as well, having stolen quite a few of their artifacts and objects over the years. The captain went on to say that he was very interested in a sword which belonged to a woman named Chellan, a being that had been created by alchemists trying to convert lead into gold. Her sword was made of hardened gold and contained many wondrous properties, including the ability to turn people it struck into gold. As the captain was a collector of swords he was rather interested in obtaining this sword and wished to hire us to acquire it for him, as well as any other swords we might find interesting and cared to give him. He promised to reward us handsomely if we succeeded and would take us to the port where he had a very good lead on the sword's location. As we had no compunctions about liberating artifacts from the Pathfinders we agreed to take on this job for the captain.

- Krinsblag the Manta Lord

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