All Good Things

Hello, dear and gentle readers. I wanted to take a moment to let you know about some decisions I've made regarding the blog and what's going to happen in the future. A little over six years ago I decided to start blogging at least once a week, mostly with reviews of books that I've read, but occasionally including tv shows, board games, and other media that I've consumed. Amazingly, I've managed to not only keep up the blog in all that time but starting two years ago I managed to do two posts a week. At the risk of sounding a little boastful, that's hundreds of books that I've read over the course of nearly seven years.

However, I've decided that it's time for me to move onward from this project. The blog has been a good learning experience and has definitely helped me grow, but I think I'm at the point where I'm ready to move on. I've decided at the end of 2018 I will stop posting book reviews on the blog. I may do the occasional update from time to time, but for the most part the blog's going to be shut down. The blog will continue to update every Tuesday and Thursday through the end of December. Hopefully this decision will give me more time to work on other projects. I thank everyone who's been with me this far and hope you've found this blog as interesting to read as I have to write it.

- Kalpar

The Blade Itself, by Joe Abercrombie

Today I'm looking at the first book in a trilogy by Joe Abercrombie, The Blade Itself. I went to the library to hunt down something by Abercrombie specifically because I had encountered a story of his in a short story anthology and I thought he was an author worth investigating. After poking around I settled on this one because it's the first book in the trilogy and it looks like his other stories are set within the same universe. The result is a book that does a lot of establishment work for the universe while leaving some things still unsettled. In retrospect I'm not sure if we really got any indications as to what the main plot is, but the characters are interesting enough that I find I don't mind as much.

The book focuses on a number of characters who gradually get brought together by the first of the Magi, Bayaz. Logen Ninefingers is a barbarian from the northlands who's made a few too many enemies and is almost running out of luck. Jezal dan Luthar is a Union nobleman and cavalry captain who has higher ambitions for his career, but doing so means he'll have to succeed in the annual fencing competition and his skills right now are less than adequate. And there's Inquisitor Glokta, a man who survived the hands of imperial torturers for two years but just barely and has become understandably cynical and bitter. There are also some additional characters but I have no idea how to spell their names aside from Dogman. By the end of the book Bayaz has brought several characters together and is planning an expedition to the edge of the world, but why remains vague.

One of the things Abercrombie does is make his universe seem really complex by including references to a large number of people and events, not all of which are explained in the first book. On the one hand this was a little frustrating for me because I felt like maybe there were books I should have read first, especially since the characters come fully-formed with backstories that I didn't know. On the other hand, this is something that makes Abercrombie's universe deep and realistic which is always a good thing. As always, it comes to me having a much higher tolerance and desire for exposition than other people, but I think Abercrombie still manages to do a good job.

What made me think Abercrombie did a really good job writing this book was when I got to the end of this book and I realized that I still wasn't exactly sure about what the main plot was. I know that Bayaz's teacher was betrayed by his brother who went by the title the Maker. Bayaz and the rest of the Magi defeated the MAker, but the Maker had followers who survived. Apparently the Maker's followers are cannibals who get some sort of magical power from eating people. All I know is that they have some sort of plan, the Union's about to get sucked into a two-front war, and Bayaz is off to save the world. But beyond these generalities I'm a little vague on the specifics. And yet I find myself interested in finding what happens next.

I think the biggest strength is that Abercrombie manages to make the characters compelling. Glokta is bitter, cynical, and like most inquisitors willing to use whatever means necessary to get the truth he wants, but there are complex elements to his personality which makes him more than just another zealot. Luthar has elements of a spoiled dandy but he's also ambitious and willing to work to achieve those ambitions so it makes a more balanced character. So I think if anything, it's the characters which make the book more interesting.

Overall, despite the issues which I had with the book I'd find myself recommending it to people who like extensive worldbuilding and good plotlines. I think Abercrombie's writing more than makes up for any defects and makes the book really enjoyable.

- Kalpar

How the Doubleclicks Saved My Life

This is going to be kind of a weird post because I'm talking about my personal life for once instead of a book or a board game I've played or some other form of media I've consumed. Honestly, it never occurred to me to blog about my personal life because it didn't seem interesting enough for people to want to read about. Especially when there were so many good books to talk about! But over the past year I've had a very powerful and extremely emotional series of events and I feel the need to at least write about them. And I'm well aware the title of this post sounds extremely dramatic but I feel that it's still very true. I've been debating whether I should write this post at all because it feels kind of weird to put all these emotions out there but...it's something important that I feel needs to be said. Even if nobody reads it.

Also, very important warning, this post is going to explore some pretty heavy emotional stuff so it's not exactly light reading.

About a year ago I had some very traumatic life events, including being let go from what was basically my dream job and scrambling to find some form of employment. Although I didn't know it at the time, I also suffered a relapse in the chronic depression I've struggled with since at least my teenage years. I say didn't realize at the time because it's only in the past year I've come to accept I actually suffer from depression. Friends who have known me for a long time can attest I've had a fairly melancholy outlook on life for years and I've definitely struggled with feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and thoughts of suicide since at least high school. But for a variety of reasons I always assumed I just had a grim or fatalistic outlook on life that wasn't depression. And in truth up until about a year ago I had actually been doing pretty well, so any depressive symptoms I had were well in remission. But then about a year ago a lot of those symptoms came flooding back and there were numerous points where I was just....done. I couldn't see any point to keeping up with life for another forty or fifty or sixty years and I was going to die anyway, so why wait? I was ready to die.

So how do The Doubleclicks come into this? Well, I was listening to music by Jonathan Coulton on Pandora, as well as songs by Weird Al Yankovic and Tom Lehrer, all of whom I was familiar with. And then this song called ''Dimetrodon'' came on. And my response was, ''Hey, I like this song. Who made this? The Doubleclicks. I'll have to check them out when I get home.'' After some internet searching I found out a little bit more about the band, listened to some more of their songs, and decided I liked what they did.

The Doubleclicks: Left and in a banana suit, Aubrey. Right and not in a banana suit, Angela.

So stumbling around their website I found a link to a post that Angela wrote about making things while struggling with depression herself, which I found to be very interesting and...I guess I want to say emotionally touching? I write that and it looks completely trite to me but there seemed something sincere and genuine in her writing that connected with me on some level and touching seems the best word for it. Plus, it provided a new insight into some of their more serious songs that deal with things like Impostor Syndrome.

And that brings us to ''Ennui (On We Go)''. I'm actually going to include the video here in the blog post instead of just providing a link because this was the song that gave me an epiphany moment.

Now I had heard this song before and I laughed at it at first because it was different and I thought it was kind of funny. I actually had heard it a couple of times and when I learned Angela struggled with depression I realized it really encapsulated the emotions of that experience. But on this particular day I was walking around, listening to music on Pandora, and this song came back on. So help me for whatever reason at that moment this particular song hit me and I stopped right in my tracks and said, ''My god. This is exactly how I feel. ...maybe I do have depression.''

And from there it just became one of those moments. A moment when you knew with absolute certainty that another human being had experienced the exact same thing as you. You might never get to talk to them but they would completely understand what you were feeling and now you know that you aren't alone. You aren't the only one like this. You may have had a moment like that yourself. Whether listening to a song or reading a book or watching a movie, you came to a part that resonated with you on some fundamental level and you just...understood. For me it was an earth-shattering experience. What I was feeling had a name and more importantly, once I knew what it was I could find a way to fight it.

Now, was a Doubleclicks song the only thing that convinced me to get help? No. There were a few other factors that helped convince me to go get help. I had several good friends who asked how I was doing and suggested I go get help because I felt like I was barely hanging on by my fingertips. I had dark days where I thought I'd be better off dead and with the opportunity to step back and analyze it I realized that wasn't a good thing. And then there were the inevitable ads that popped up on the internet raising mental health awareness. But I can definitely say that a song by two sisters in Portland helped me identify what I was struggling with and what I needed to do to fight it.

And things are improving, albeit at a gradual pace. The nurse practitioner I've been seeing has managed to find a medication that's helping me out a lot and the psychologist I've been seeing has been very supportive and helpful in finding specific things I can tackle to help reduce stressors that contribute to my depression. It's an ongoing process and I may live with depression for the rest of my life. But now I feel like I've got a fighting chance and that makes all the difference in the world.

So in a way, yes, The Doubleclicks saved my life because they, along with my friends and other resources, helped me make the decision to go get help. And if I hadn't gone to get help when I did, I honestly don't know if I'd still be here today. Thank you, Angela and Aubrey.

All right, one more song so this doesn't end on a down note.

(More info about The Doubleclicks can be found at their website: http://www.thedoubleclicks.com/)

- Kalpar